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This Friday 8/17 the USA U21 team takes on Canada in the semifinals for the season 20 America’s Tournament. While the USA has made it to the semis every tournament since season 8, this is Canada’s first appearance in the top 4 since season 12. So pretty much they’re just happy to be here. On the other hand, the US is the two time world champion and anything less than a gold here at the America’s would be a catastrophe of such gigantic proportions that scientists predict a quantum singularity would appear and swallow up the Buzzerbeater universe in its entirety. As no one wants that to happen Canada will probably forfeit the game just to be safe.

Canadian U21 coach bballin was kind enough to do a quick interview before the game. He responded in his native Canadian, but here’s the best translation that Google Translate could muster:

1. So let’s be honest. The likely #1 goal of top teams in the America’s is to avoid playing the US in the semifinals. Where did you go wrong?
Our loss against Argentina. We normaled, just to make sure, but a CT from Argentina coupled with HCA dashed our hopes. Then the final game of the 2nd round, after Peru had beaten Argentina it all came down to PD and well Argentina crushed us their.

2. If you had the ability to remove one US player from Friday's game, who would it be, and why?
I dont think it would matter. You have dozens of players that could fill the void. I would probably get rid of Michele. I hate that guy.

3. It’s no secret that USA coach magiker hates your guts with a preternaturally burning passion. I don’t know what you did to piss him off so badly, but you have nothing to lose by stating your honest opinion of him here.
Ive never met the guy, but just off of the conversations we have I have come to the conclusion that he is an evil cellar dwelling troll that lives in his moms house.

4. Considering that Canada hasn’t made it to the semis since season 12, would you consider this season to be a success?
No. We still end up in repechage either way. Our goal both seasons was to make it to the finals. Both times we could have.

5. Americans seem to view Canadians as one of the last cultures that it’s acceptable to make fun of, based on the underlying assumption that Canadians are on the whole are so inoffensive that mean spirited jokes made at their expense are funny because there’s no basis for them in reality. Do Canadians make fun of themselves in this way, or are there character traits in the Canadian gene pool that deserve ridicule?
Wait... people make fun of us?

6. Does your team have a player who is a favorite with the Canadian community?
Not particularily, most people cheer for their own player. I like Begley, hes a good guy!

7. You have the distinction of being the only non-American allowed on the US off site forums. How many other countries’ off sites do you have membership in and what’s so lame about Canadians that you had to join the cool kid’s forum?
Well Canadas offsite is actually a combo offsite with the likes of Nigeria, New Zealand and England in the mix. So I guess 3 others plus the US's. I went to the US offsite just to scare some of your new guys off. You have enough members.

8. How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Lightbulb? We use fire in our igloos.

Poll:  Which 70s Canadian singer/songwriter would win in a fight?

Seems like I'm the only one voted for good old Neilly.

With no time more important than now to sabotage the other team, I made sure that I had a good plan to stop Canada from even being able to score on the US at all. I woke up at 3 AM Friday morning and left the hotel to go find Canada's hotel. After doing this to opponents all season, I knew exactly where I was going and within 15 minutes I was there. Unfortunately, the door was locked to get in the hotel. Luckily some random woman driver crashed her car right into the entrance of the hotel leaving an opening for me to enter.

I entered the 4th floor where the team was staying and I was prepared to staple every single players' legs to their beds so they couldn't get up. However, when I broke into the first room, I saw two of their players crying and wide awake. I was curious as to what was going on, so I asked them. They said that their coach Bballin was being mean to them in practice and he pushed them so hard that they couldn't even walk for about an hour after it was done. I wasn't impressed at all and I was just about ready to start stapling their legs to the beds when something caught my attention. One of them said, "He even made us listen to Lil Wayne!". Now I felt bad for them. I felt so bad that I just couldn't staple their legs to the bed. I almost started crying myself. Then Bballin himself opened the door and asked what was with all this noise. I turned around and now the ugliest person I had ever seen was right in front of me. His face was so sour that he looked like he just brushed his teeth and bit into a grapefruit. He had no body hair at all, and had the widest stomach I had ever seen. On his forehead there was some random bump that stuck out 6-8 inches and he had a tattoo on it that said "nickelback 4 life". He also had three legs and one of them twitched constantly in the creepiest way possible. I couldn't take it anymore and I puked and ran away. I got back to the USA hotel and fell asleep the moment I laid on the bed and then slept until someone woke me up at 5:30 saying the game was about to start. I was still half asleep and I screamed "GET AWAY FROM ME BBALLIN GET AWAY". Man that was a horrible nightmare. Anyways I got to the arena just before the game started and sat as far away from the Canadian bench as possible.

The US got off to a slow start and only led by 1 after the first quarter, but broke it open in the second and never looked back. The final score was 96-67 and now the US was guaranteed as spot in the World's next season. Tim Wofford, Jonathan Beaucage, and Trenton Funk all had double doubles to lead the way. Rumor has it that Bballin ate one of this players in anger after the game, but no one can confirm that.

On Monday at 6 PM the US will be playing against Argentina in the Americas final. Watch it or Bballin will find you.

Last edited by moflaffle at 8/19/2012 6:25:06 PM

I already killed bballin, so no worries my friend......I'll tell you about it i the recap.

Um, that was the recap. Unless you were planning on doing another one.

haha I did it in disguise..............while the game was going I got him in the neck and was dressed like a ninja

Now you not getting that canadien trainee

oh well, there's always the TL, and Mexico.......my neighbor to the South. I could ask their NTU21 coach.......lol

Jesus, so how did bballin get a girlfriend, again? ;)

Money.

Money.

Cars...