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Okay class, I’m going to give you the rundown on the 2 things every American needs to know about the French:

1. Their food is awesome.
2. Everything else not so much.

So I accidently spilled magiker’s coffee yesterday. Yikes. After narrowly escaping with my life, I realized I had yet another article to write, this time about the American U21’s matchup with France on Monday. Seeing as I couldn’t go back near the American coaching staff, I opted to go check out what the Frenchies were doing. When I arrived however, I was told by security that my press pass was expired. So now I’m stuck with a press pass that fewmit handed me, dated 1979 for Howard Cosell. And unlike the French, they had tasers instead of baguettes, so I backed down. However, being an intern does force one to learn how to make things happen. I was able to slip in through the vents, and crawl out into the bathroom.

When I finally navigated my way out of the halls into the court, I saw the French working on what they call their "céder manœuvre." It involved practicing their famous two handed salute and lying on the ground with their hands on their head. To me it seemed like they were preparing to lose. But trainer Alexandre Guichard had this to say about it, “To you American, it may seem strange. But France has survived for hundreds of years by giving up. We may not be good at many things, but we are good at losing. So good, that we have turned it into an art. You may never understand, but the French are so good at losing, we may win every once in a while.”

Add “French people are insane” at number three on my list. Although I did not understand their training methods, they actually gave me a dollar to buy a candy bar out of the vending machine. At last, real food!

Will the French fail their way to victory, or will this just be another faux pas? Tune in on Monday at 1:30 to find out!

Nous allons perdre a nouveau

That's what they said as they took the court and crowd of 20k in front of the menacing USA Team. Although Aradrad was getting the scoop on the players, I had an ID Badge from last season (somehow I was able to get it back from Narciso Catandil up in Argentina on my tour in the offseason, I digress) So I was able to o the USA Practice courts. Though there was a door in the back that said "Do not enter or pay the price" Well magiker told me to go in there and check it out before the game started

magiker: "Go there and see what them Frenchies are doing. Better Give me info on them or I will give you extra poop scoopin' tonight"

And of course from Jack's experience cleaning it up was all bad.........so I decided to go in. I had my google translate thingy up in my ipad so that I can understand the whole conversation. I gone through the door and then there was another door, of course the exit out of the France Team's Locker Room. I cracked it a little open to hear what they were going to say here is their coach

"Nice job on faking it. Great job! I bet the USA are just relaxing doing stupid stuff instead of practicing! hahahahhahaha! Abdi and Nigon, do your thing." Then they started doing some stupid French dances in the locker room. I guess their "Loser Dance" So then I come back to migiker 1 second late......

"I already set the f**** lineup man! What is wrong with you!"

"Well, I saw they were doing this stupid French Da-"

"I don't care about that stupid s**, you should've came earlier! Extra scooping for you tonight!"

I dreaded for that time.........................as the USA loss to France 94-85.

But France has survived for hundreds of years by giving up. We may not be good at many things, but we are good at losing. So good, that we have turned it into an art. You may never understand, but the French are so good at losing, we may win every once in a while.”

Well, USA was the next team to get Franced. Huston was fouling away....no one above 20 points. no shooting whatsoever from Downtown........though both were bad.

Here was a conference later on........

"I know who to blame for this loss, and he is getting a BIG punishment tonight." HE stared right down my throat it made me stare him down, something you NEVER do to a U21 Coach. He got his gun and shot at my leg. So now I have to clean up s*** with 1 leg. How nice.

Well this is tough reporting for USA...........f France........and their stupid rituals.

So minor point of correction: out of concern for his pitbulls' sensitive ears, magiker usually doesn't shoot people himself, he lets moflaffle handle that sort of dirty work. Ask Cliff Pringle (20743178): (222461.2). But it's an understandable mistake, when someone shoots you, you're generally more concerned about the gun pointed at you than the identity of the person holding it.