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Yeah - I hate that early tough matchup, especially when the league games are more important (probably - some of us might say your Cup matchup is much more important! ;).

Somewhat bizarrely, I drew a div IV team whose manager name is Southpaw.

Insert "The Office: Identity theft is not a joke Jim" skit.

Transcript from the Coach Stephenson Show Thursday Evening

Charles:
Coach congratulation on the win over the Dribble.

Stephenson:
Appreciate that Charles. Anytime you can get a win in this conference, especially against an old rival like the Dribble, you relish it. But that was over 48 hours ago so now the focus is on the next game in front of us.

Charles:
Which brings us to the subject of my next question. Big game coming up against the Southpaw army. These guys have just taken the conference by storm already a couple of signature wins over Linndale, the Dribble, and the Outlaws. What is your take on this squad and their coach Yohnst.

Stephenson:
They’re a very versatile squad. They have some dangerous players. Particularly a dangerous guard in De Moraes, who if he keeps playing like he has we’re gonna have to start referring to him on first name basis. He’s been that good for them. He’s averaging what 23 points per game?

Charles:
24. He’s just behind Rigaux who you faced a couple of days ago

Stephenson:
And note that we didn’t manager to shut down. He still managed to have 38 points. So we’re goinna have our hands full trying to contain him. And they have some silverbacks in Kang and Kunyan, so we really have to be careful on our defensive assignments.

Charles:
Speaking of defense. We’ve yet to see you guys go zone this season. Any possibility of you going to it tonight and if not why.

Stephenson:
You know defensively Gordo and I are always considering every possibility. And speaking of assistant coaches. Hey Pio, I know you’re probably not listen but if you are. Thanks. Now thanks to you I got Hunt nagging me up almost every other night talking about how good he would be as a coach. Every other sentence. I know as much as Alnite! And I'm nicer! So thanks again for another additional headache to my life than the two you usually give me

Charles and Coach laugh

Stephenson:
Back to a serious note. We always consider the zone especially when you have defensive players like Ranger, Ali Baba, Tercero and East who can just be bloodhounds on the perimeter and still have good help defense. But nah we always consider its just been the matchups once Gordo and I look at them its just been the positives were outweighed by the possible burns. Now the zone would be really helpful since I do think the key is locking down that backcourt of theirs, a tactic we’ve done many times before against teams just as dangerous as this Southpaw team. (sighs) Not much I know to make of Coach Yohnst. We ran into each other at media day, you know said the typical things but no real giveaways into his mindset and style. So it’ll be interesting. Daisy she was the same way.

Charles:
She might be wishing right now she was having to go up against you. II.4 is a difficult. Difficult place to play in.

Stephenson:
You here trying to get me into trouble (laughs) You’ll have Baine get that cousin of his to do a hit report on us. Say we’re #1 or something and have a big target on our back.

Charles:
Very likely! He knows how much you hate it when the Report gives your teams high ranking (laughs). We’re be back after this commercial break.

Stephenson:
Note guys I’m not wishing Carolina was back right now

Last edited by Coach Stephenson at 9/9/2023 11:05:44 AM

Happy Ourer: “Happy Ourer with Pio Reina. Pio, the game against F.Day Internet Lovers Club was rough, but there was some promise. Talk about the game for a moment.”

Pio Reina: “We didn’t expect to rebound as well as we did. The steals and causing turmovers, we expected. The turnovers we had on offense are going to drive me mad. I’m not upset about getting so many shots blocked because we wanted to try and attack the rim; that’s going to happen. It was a calculated risk and it didn’t work out. The 17 turnovers? I just can’t with that.”

“Anytime we use the press we get killed on the boards, so steals and turnovers are how we try to alleviate some of that. I was actually pleased with the board work, and the steals and turnovers we caused went exactly as we planned. 17 turnovers though… Let me look at the positives here. I called out Nguyen last time he started because of turnovers. Nguyen had 7 assists, 3 steals and 1 turnover in 36 minutes. That’s improvement. Floyd Hearn was a monster out there, but I’m most impressed with his 3 assists, 1 turnover and 6 steals in 36 minutes. The problem was the other starters combining for 10 turnovers.”

HO: “Are things going to turn around, or is this a lost season?”

PR: “For the first time in a long time, we’ve lost 4 in a row. We kind of have to let the training dictate who plays for a bit. There’s probably going to be another roster move or two before this season ends. We have got to get to a point where the defense is up to standard and we’re not having to hide people. We’re not there yet with these younger guys. We’ve got to get a lot of the guys to work on their offense. Ball security is going to be the death of them or me; I’m not sure who yet. Still, the season is far from lost. We’ve just gotta find what this group of players do best and ride with that. Once they figure who they are, they’ll be fine… if I don’t have to kill them because of turnovers.”

HO: “How do you get better and make the team better?”

PR: “I like to listen and talk to other coaches and learn from them. Coach Stephenson said something on his show, and I just want to take the opportunity to respond. Air Allnite either puts up or shuts up. Given his task is to work with the guards, he’s off to an ok start. Just ok. We’ll see if and how he finishes up.”

HO: “About tonight’s game---”

PR: “We have got to get a win. Taking nothing away from 209’s Most Wanted, but we’ve got to beat somebody, right? The Big 8 is still loaded. It’s up to us to prove we still belong in the conversation about the good teams in the Big 8. That has to start on the defensive end; we’re giving up an average of 110 a game. That’s not how we roll. That’s not who we are. We’re better than that. It’s gonna start on the defensive end. It always does. If we can keep their back court from going off and handle business up front, we should be ok. That is, if we can take care of the basketball. We cannot give them extra opportunities.”

HO: “Thanks, Coach. When we come back from the commercial break it’s tip off time! Linndale and 209’s Most Wanted, coming up next!”

inside the Linndale locker room…

Air Allnite: “Kyle and Shooter had the strokes going. There just wasn’t enough offense going behind my guys.”

Pio Reina: “Your guys?”

AA: “Yeah, my guys. You brought me in to coach up the guards, didn’t you? Well Kyle has his stroke back after last season’s dreadful performance, and Tovar was pretty good himself shooting it.”

PR: “Your guys play for my team. You are an assistant coach on my staff. You would do well to remember that.”

Byron Helm: “Let’s talk about ‘your guys’, Air. ‘Your guys’ had 5 of the 11 turnovers tonight. Since the guards are ‘your guys’, all of your guys were responsible for 6 of the 11 turnovers. Cerri and Nguyen can’t shoot. McCain can’t get on the court. Petriukstis can’t either. ‘Your guys’ don’t help on the boards. ‘Your guys’ combined for a minus 26 overall tonight.

Marshall Richards: “I’m not gonna play your game, Air. We got too much to do around here to have to deal with this kind of foolishness. It’s ridiculous! We have to figure out how to get a win. This proud franchise is 0 for 5. I do not ever remember a stretch at any time when this team lost 5 games in a row ever. We are giving up an average of 112 points a game. We’re losing by an average of 19. This was our best offensive game of the season and we still lost by 10. You want to take credit for a performance? Take credit after you make the players better. IF you continue getting the guards better.”

PR: “This is a team effort, Air. We win together, we lose together. All of us. The guards can’t do it by themselves. Neither can the forwards. The centers can’t either. It takes everyone. So stop whatever it is you think this is you’re doing. Get Nguyen and McCain better. Get Cerri’s shot fixed. Get Shooter to improve on defense and Kyle to fix his turnover issue. Then, you have the unenviable task of fixing the overall turnover issue with the guards. While you’re at it, McCain and Nguyen have issues with their shooting also. Fix that, too. And heat up Petriukstis. Don’t forget about developing Donny. Seems to me like your plate is too full for you to be crowing about anything.”

AA: “You’re not ever going to let go of that are you?”

PR: “Want me to forget about that? You know what you have to do. Get on board, get to work, and get it done. All of it. No, it’s not easy. Nothing around here is. You should know; you spent a couple of years watching us on tv. This team, this conference, and this league is plenty tough. Are you the right guy for this job, or do we have to get someone tougher?”

AA: “You’re asking me to work miracles.”

PR: “I’m telling you to do the job you volunteered for.”

AA: “I didn’t volunteer.”

PR: “No one forced you to make that bet. Leave now, and you also lose any shred of credibility you thought you had. You’ve backed yourself into a corner. The easy way out is with us. Do the work. The results will come. You might even like it.”

AA: ”I’m still here, aren’t I?”

PR: "Get to work!"

BH: "Pio, you have to know we need another point guard."

PR: "We also need a small forward, and a power forward. We might even have the guys in house. We're 0-5. What do you guys say we find out if we can get these guys up to the task?"

MR: "We're still here, aren't we?"

BH: "Come on, Marshall; we'd better get back to work!"

Last edited by Speedtraps at 9/10/2023 5:01:10 PM

Day 5 (Saturday 9 September 2023) : Performances by (https://www.buzzer-manager.com)

Night results
Philly Dribble 111 - Las Vegas High Rollers 104
Linndale 111 - 209’s MostWanted 121
F.Day Internet Lovers Club 72 - Lion Rebels 84
southpaw army 109 - San Dominica Warriors 93
Twotone Touloose 52 - Miami Cleo 95
Tasty Tardsicles 91 - Super Sonics 110
Żubr Białystok 43 - VileOnes 149
Fort Wayne Pistons 93 - Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️ 104

Best collective performance of the evening
Points : 149 : VileOnes
Rebounds : 74 : VileOnes
Assists : 47 : VileOnes
Steals : 13 : VileOnes
Block Shots : 17 : VileOnes

Personal best performances of the evening
Points : 49 : K. Knowles (Linndale)
Rebounds : 24 : C. Goldsmith (Super Sonics), J. Ledu (Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️)
Assists : 10 : T. Rumin (209’s MostWanted)
Steals : 4 : J. Glicas (Philly Dribble), E. Piana (F.Day Internet Lovers Club)
Block Shots : 5 : J. García de la Vega (VileOnes)

Top 5 of the evening
Point Guard : C. Wui Kwong (Tasty Tardsicles) (31 Points, 6 Rebounds, 4 Assists, 0 Steals, 0 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 31
Shooting Guard : K. Knowles (Linndale) (49 Points, 3 Rebounds, 5 Assists, 0 Steals, 0 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 40
Small Forward : J. Bover (VileOnes) (28 Points, 7 Rebounds, 4 Assists, 2 Steals, 1 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 37
Power Forward : P. Huddleston (Philly Dribble) (21 Points, 13 Rebounds, 7 Assists, 3 Steals, 1 Block Shots), K. Ramazan (VileOnes) (21 Points, 14 Rebounds, 2 Assists, 1 Steals, 1 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 35
Center : J. García de la Vega (VileOnes) (14 Points, 17 Rebounds, 5 Assists, 0 Steals, 5 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 39

MVP of the evening
K. Knowles (Linndale) (49 Points, 3 Rebounds, 5 Assists, 0 Steals, 0 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 40

The bad performance of the evening
H. Gandy (Żubr Białystok) (6 Points, 5 Rebounds, 0 Assists, 0 Steals, 0 Block Shots) : Efficiency : -10

All kinds of statistics
The player who forgot to remove his mittens : M. Watkins (Lion Rebels) : 9 Turnovers

Player targeted by the referees : P. Audier (Las Vegas High Rollers), F. Kang (southpaw army) : 6 Personnal Fouls

The iron-man : I. Tabrizi (F.Day Internet Lovers Club), L. Melucci (F.Day Internet Lovers Club), W. Bonner (Żubr Białystok), T. Freeman (Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️), W. Acevedo (Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️) : 48 Minutes

The shooter : K. Knowles (Linndale), U. Jaén (Fort Wayne Pistons) : 8 Three points

The best performer : N. de Moraes (southpaw army), J. García de la Vega (VileOnes) : Rating : 18.0

The worst performer : H. Gandy (Żubr Białystok), W. Bonner (Żubr Białystok) : Rating : 2.0

Oh damn - looks like Miami went bankrupt and the sell-off of the squad is underway. Hasn't logged in for awhile too so I'd imagine they bot.

Changes things in the ol' league this season

Yeah - that's too bad. Having left this game once and come back, I hate to see it.

Hey, I did the same thing - sooooo dumb. Would have had so much money to kickoff the rebuild I eventually did anyway.

Happy Ourer: “Welcome to the Linndale post game show, and it’s a victory edition! Linndale overcomes an early 10 point deficit and wins 100 to 90. Joshua Doe, tell the good people how it happened!”

Joshua Doe: “Kyle Knowles was an efficient scorer, Floyd Hearn was all over the stat sheet, and Maurizio Cerri could not be stopped. Kyle had 22 points and 7 assists, Floyd had 8 points 9 boards and 7 assists, and Maurizio Cerri just got to the rim whenever he wanted it seemed, on his way to a game high 31 points. Though Cerri was clearly the offensive star tonight, it was a team effort. Pemwieser came through with 13 points and 10 rebounds, while Rolland Reynolds had 4 points, 8 rebounds, a steal and 6 blocks.”

Happy Ourer: “I spoke with assistant coaches Air Allnite and Byron Helm earlier. Air said not to worry about the 3 point shooting because it remains a weapon. Byron said one of the goals is to get the team to attack inside from not just the bigs, but with the wings and guards as well. Byron says this will open things up for the shooters later.”

Joshua Doe: “I’d have to agree with Byron. From what I saw last season Linndale relied a bit too much on the 3 point marksmanship. The team is still dangerous from beyond the arc, but this attacking the rim we’re seeing, this could be a game changer for Pio Reina’s boys.”

Happy Ourer: “I’m sure Pio would agree if he could only get the turnover issue solved. 15 turnovers for Linndale and every single one of them by the starting unit. Pio is not going to be pleased.”

Joshua Doe: “The guy that’s going to be miserable is Air Allnite. Pio has tasked Air with the responsibility to solve that issue. Air Allnite has got to be pleased with the guards offensive output and efficiency, but the turnover issue is bad. If anything, I think they’ve regressed in that area.”

Happy Ourer: “Meanwhile, Marshall Richards has to be intrigued with Rolland Reynolds. He’s not shooting well or scoring, but he came out, hit the boards and defended. You’ve got to like a guy that finds a way to contribute.”

Joshua Doe: “Marshall Richards told me that they expect Reynolds to develop late offensively. Byron Helm said Reynolds looks like a former power forward, and he meant it as a compliment. He said he expects Reynolds to develop into the kind of small forward who plays like a bull in a china shop offensively.”

Happy Ourer: “Hitting the boards and blocking shots is a surefire way to keep getting opportunities.”

Joshua Doe: “You’re right, but you’ve gotta be able to score. You gotta defend, and you gotta score. This team has room to grow both on offense and on defense, but you have to figure that while off to a 1-4 start and not figuring in the playoff race as of yet, Pio is going to focus on player development.”

Happy Ourer: “Pio is going to try threading that needle of player development and winning. 2 games out of a playoff spot with a ton of basketball left to go means that Pio gets to develop players while playing in his lab with different combinations. We’re going to to commercial, and when we come back, we’ll hear from the Linndale locker room after the win tonight.”

Last edited by Speedtraps at 9/13/2023 7:28:01 PM

Day 6 (Tuesday 12 September 2023) : Performances by (https://www.buzzer-manager.com)

Night results
Super Sonics 69 - Twotone Touloose 68
VileOnes 124 - Fort Wayne Pistons 108
Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️ 127 - Żubr Białystok 43
Las Vegas High Rollers 90 - Linndale 100
209’s MostWanted 124 - Philly Dribble 98
Lion Rebels 65 - southpaw army 88
San Dominica Warriors 67 - F.Day Internet Lovers Club 84
Miami Cleo 81 - Tasty Tardsicles 115

Best collective performance of the evening
Points : 127 : Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️
Rebounds : 60 : Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️
Assists : 42 : Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️
Steals : 16 : 209’s MostWanted, Super Sonics
Block Shots : 13 : F.Day Internet Lovers Club

Personal best performances of the evening
Points : 37 : E. Piana (F.Day Internet Lovers Club)
Rebounds : 18 : J. Bégin (San Dominica Warriors), M. Lahaye (Super Sonics)
Assists : 14 : A. Guilla (Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️)
Steals : 7 : T. Devine (Super Sonics)
Block Shots : 7 : W. Sitorski (209’s MostWanted)

Top 5 of the evening
Point Guard : A. Guilla (Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️) (22 Points, 11 Rebounds, 14 Assists, 6 Steals, 1 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 49
Shooting Guard : M. Coedo (Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️) (34 Points, 11 Rebounds, 6 Assists, 1 Steals, 2 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 43
Small Forward : J. Bover (VileOnes) (35 Points, 5 Rebounds, 3 Assists, 0 Steals, 1 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 33
Power Forward : R. Raich (209’s MostWanted) (19 Points, 13 Rebounds, 4 Assists, 3 Steals, 1 Block Shots), F. Kang (southpaw army) (20 Points, 12 Rebounds, 3 Assists, 0 Steals, 2 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 33
Center : M. Farnsworth (Philly Dribble) (25 Points, 15 Rebounds, 1 Assists, 1 Steals, 0 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 35

MVP of the evening
A. Guilla (Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️) (22 Points, 11 Rebounds, 14 Assists, 6 Steals, 1 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 49

The bad performance of the evening
C. Crosby (Żubr Białystok) (6 Points, 1 Rebounds, 0 Assists, 0 Steals, 0 Block Shots) : Efficiency : -13

Triple-Double of the evening
A. Guilla (Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️) (22 Points, 11 Rebounds, 14 Assists, 6 Steals, 1 Block Shots)

All kinds of statistics
The player who forgot to remove his mittens : P. Audier (Las Vegas High Rollers), M. Cerri (Linndale), J. Thomas (Philly Dribble), D. Faust (Philly Dribble), A. Gallucci (Miami Cleo), G. Kirilovs (Twotone Touloose), M. Lahaye (Super Sonics), H. Gandy (Żubr Białystok) : 5 Turnovers

Player targeted by the referees : A. Norman (Las Vegas High Rollers), J. García de la Vega (VileOnes) : 6 Personnal Fouls

The iron-man : M. Blanco (F.Day Internet Lovers Club), D. Branimirović (F.Day Internet Lovers Club), D. Ray (Super Sonics), M. Lahaye (Super Sonics), A. Guilla (Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️), W. Bonner (Żubr Białystok) : 48 Minutes

The shooter : E. Piana (F.Day Internet Lovers Club), G. Kirilovs (Twotone Touloose) : 6 Three points

The best performer : C. Wui Kwong (Tasty Tardsicles) : Rating : 18.0

The worst performer : W. Bonner (Żubr Białystok) : Rating : 2.0