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Yay we won a game, but the real world shenanigans continue.

Tuesday evening I was in the ER for myself, so I missed the game.

Wednesday morning, I'm back at the ER. This time for my daughter, who had just been released from the hospital Friday.

I really need the real world shenanigans to stop.

Week Five Power Rankings
Couple of jumps up and down the rankings in EFFG and OPP EFFG this week leads to some shifting in the power rankings this week after two games in which there was at least two minor upsets and one big sigh of relief - I'll let you figure that last one out. Back to normal this week, with last week's rankings shown in parenthesis behind the team’s name.

1. Tasty Tardsicles (1)
Since losing their second game of the season to Super Sonics a few weeks ago, spilly19's crew has reeled off 5 straight wins with an average victory of 25.6 points in those games. Yes, two of them were close, but their 31-point domination of Philly last weekend felt a bit like a changing of the guard in a way, especially as Philly put forth more effort. In spite of these un-biased rankings, Tasty sits as what amounts to (per the standings) the second-best team in the league with a showdown against southpaw army on the horizon. While they don't have a single dominant scorer night in and night out (my apologies to Chik Wui Kwong), their second ranked offense combines for a powerful force with what so far has proven to be the #1 defense.

2. southpaw army (2)
If you had told me that by Week 5 we still wouldn't see southpaw at the top spot of these rankings and holding onto that position dominantly, I wouldn't have believed you at the start of the season. But that's part of the reason I do these rankings based on efficiency - to piss people off and mix things up! They do lead the league in scoring and are top 3 in points against. I have a hard time believing they'll be beat and maybe next week we'll see them ascend the glorious throne that is at the top of these vociferous rankings if they batter Tasty next Tuesday.

3. Lion Rebels (4)
I'm a homer, I know, I know. But frankly speaking, this is simply the Zubr Effect taking place. You're damn right I ran Run & Gun on purpose against the team with an average salary per player of just under $3k! (Mostly because San Dominica had them this week as well, but that turns out to be a bit embarrassing as they used Patient to score 127 on them while my R&G netted me just 9 more points). At any rate, expect me to fade over the course, although it may be a hot minute with Fort Wayne and Miami on the horizon.

4. San Dominica Warriors (10)
The biggest jumpers forward in the rankings this week arrives, thanks to an 18.6-point boost in EFFG and a 10.3 improvement in OPP EFFG, which is the Zubr Effect in high form. Fun Fact: heading into their Zubr Effect matchup, Mario Ranger Granja had 9 steals on the season (through 8 games). After that game, he had 16 which vaulted him up to 6th in steals in the league. They are enjoying a decent Cup run and will have to navigate the 213th ranked USA team before traveling for a walk over win against Miami before hosting Super Sonics in what should be the game of the night on Tuesday.

5. VileOnes (3)
A bit of a drop after last week's heroic climb, Vile slipped just a little bit in both categories, but combined with others being gifted special packages, it leaves them back at sixth. A Cup matchup awaits them and then they take on a comparable 209's team at home before traveling to Vegas for what should be a win. I'm definitely intrigued by what could happen on Saturday between the MostWanted and VileOnes, which is definitely a Mascot Matchup Made in Heaven.

Week Five Power Rankings - Part II
6. F. Day Internet Lovers Club (5)
I still don't have a clue what this club's name means, but I'm reaching the age where these types of things just don't matter anymore. More importantly, this group has enjoyed a nice three game stretch and are facing the next stage of the Cup this week with a big matchup right before they head to Key Arena to face Super Sonics in what should be a game of the weekend candidate. F. Day's specialty is their defense which has brought them this far despite somewhat underwhelming offensive displays despite Piana and Tabrizi's best efforts in 8 games each. Their FG% is only good for 11th thus far - which isn't Zach Wilson for the Jets bad, but it won't help them out in the long run.

7. Mindless Zombies (7)
Standing pat in the rankings, Mindless had what had to feel like a satisfying win on Saturday. I was lying in bed, watching the game feeling both thrilled and pissed that my team managed to come back after being down 15 at the half to tie it up and then blow it by not being able to score in the last minute to pull it out. AND THEN. And then watch them utterly fall apart while the Zombies scored 21 points and were the Change They Wanted to See in the World. (Congrats!) And I won't lie, I drew a fair amount of satisfaction to see them fall back to .500 after losing to Linndale two nights later. Next comes Philly at home before a trip to the 209.

8. Super Sonics (6)
Super enjoyed a 14-point victory over Las Vegas last weekend before being victimized by those coward dirty playing southpaw army bastards on Tuesday. The result? A slight dip in EFFG and OPP EFFG leaving them in the middle of these rankings and 2nd in the Great 8. They now get the "opportunity" to host the 4th ranked USA team in the Cup before they turn their attention to F.Day and then take a trip to San Dominica for a television game - both games should be quality entertainment (as long as Chas Goldsmith doesn't hurt his pinky again!).

9. Philly Dribble (9)
Splitting their games this week to remain at .500, Philly continues to drift. While they were pummeled by Tasty on TV by 31, they turned around and held off VileOnes after being down 5 at the half and 1 after three. They took the lead less than a minute into the 4th quarter and didn't look back, cruising to victory with 30-points in the final frame. They, too, remain in the Cup, with a matchup at home against #203 Rashmonsters tonight. Turning to next week, will they continue their .500 journey with a trip to Mindless followed by hosting the Zubr Effect? I think they've got a shot to get to 7-5, but Mindless has the firepower to hold out on them.

10. Fort Wayne Pistons (8)
The Zubr Effect didn't last long for Fort Wayne as the Pistons have lost 7 of their last 8 games to arrive at 2-8, though they've been competitive having only a -56 PD on the season thus far, despite losing their last three games by a combined 89 points. They showed a decent effort against the Internet Lovers Club and are probably kicking themselves after seeing a lesser effort come up short by just 14 points, especially after the no defense game we saw against San Dominica where both teams combined for 268 points! This coming week, they host the Lion Rebels (frauds!) before paying a visit to Linndale. Can they tack on another win or two?

Last edited by Baine at 9/28/2023 10:47:32 AM

Week Five Power Rankings - Part III
11. 209's Most Wanted (11)
Here's a peek inside the rankings to show you how a 4-6 team with a positive PD (+54) can be ranked behind a 2-8 team with a negative PD (the aforementioned Fort Wayne): Fort Wayne has a season EFFG of 125.3 which is good for 6th. 209's has an EFFG of 112.3 (nearly 4-point increase from last week) which is good for 11th in the league. So just 13 points separate 6th and 11th. In terms of OPP EFFG, the Pistons sit at 128 dropping from 11th last week to 14th while 209's has a much better OPP EFFG of 103.3 which is still only good enough for 9th. And here's where the first tie breaker takes hold:
Fort Wayne: 6th+14th=20/2=10
209's Most: 11th+9th=20/2=10
First tie breaker, because we're prisoners to recency bias, is last week's average ranking where Fort Wayne scored 7.5 while 209's was back at 10.5. Is it fair? No. Is it fun? Definitely. I'm a terrible guesser, but my supposition is that Alex's crew will supplant The Mechanic in these rankings soon, especially by the All-Star break.

12. Linndale (13)
Speedtraps' free fall seemed to be continuing with a 9-point loss to VileOnes on the road last weekend, but they turned around and finally were able to take advantage of the effort difference to gain an 11-point victory, their second of the season. And that was in spite of Kyle Knowles shooting just 33% on 12 shots, missing two free throws, but still scoring 16 points thanks to half of them coming from the free throw line. But fortunately for them, recently acquired Ireneusz Koncki, the 23-year-old Polish super star was flawless on the night and Josh MacNeur, the 24-year-old dual citizen Scottish/Utopian super star joined him with a double-double to show off their refreshed starting lineup. This week they get the gift of the Zubr Effect before facing off against Fort Wayne at home in the hopes of getting two more wins which could lead to a four-game winning streak heading into the break.

13. Las Vegas High Rollers (14)
Las Vegas gets to take advantage of Miami Cleo's live action parachuting into the abyss and moves up a spot this week. But they also had a decent increase in EFFG and OPP EFFG for an average of 7.5 points improvement in both categories. Despite the 14-point loss to Super Sonics on Saturday night, they improved slightly on their season average in EFFG that game and then took advantage of Twotone Touloose's missed game day prep guesses for a dominant victory after starting out down 8 after the first quarter and then holding them to just 8 points in the 3rd quarter at which point they exploded for 41 points enroute to their third victory on the season. This next week doesn't look as promising, with a game against the #1 Great 8 in Tasty before hosting VileOnes on Tuesday.

Week Five Power Rankings - Part IV
14. Miami Cleo (12)
My punishment for Miami has increased as my manual calculation of their scores had doubled this week, settling them at a 58.7 EFFG and a 126.7 OPP EFG. That punishment shall increase until they're at least 15th in these rankings. But maybe packer_22 will make another reappearance and we'll be forced to adjust.

15. Twotone Touloose (15)
It's getting to be a long season since Twotone's walk over victory against Zubr, which means, they won't feel the Zubr Effect until after they finish their tour of the Big 8. Their 80 points against Las Vegas this week was enough to move their average PPG up two whole points to 63.7 and they're giving up just over 100 PPG for a much worse than everyone else (except Zubr and now Miami though we can't quite calculate that) -40.4-point differential per game. Delightfully, however, they're still in the Cup with a matchup tonight on the road against #244 WildTipatinas, another Div III team who is just 4-6 on the season, but their starting 5 more than double Twotone's top 5 players in salary. But it looks like there could a game shape advantage - so there's hope!

16. Żubr Białystok (16)
Bot Fun Fact: Żubr Białystok's leading scorer (Wayne Bonner) averages 8.3 PPG and a 2.1 rating on the season, which makes him the worst player in the league this season.

Good luck to those of you still in the Cup, and good day!

*Editor’s note: After my visit to the ER Tuesday, my daughter went back Wednesday afternoon and has been re-admitted. If this seems a bit distracted, my apologies.*

Pio Reina: “Air, we got Zubr om Saturday. I’m giving you the lineup making duties for this one. Keep in mind your training needs. I’ll give you a few minutes to plan things out.”

Byron Helm: “MacNeur and Koncki are out.”

Air Allnite: “Why are you trying to cripple me?”

Marshall Richards: “Sokmen is only playing power forward for this one.”

AA: “OK, now Marshall I expect this from. Good grief!”

PR: “Air, what makes you think no one has a say in the training rotation. I GAVE you the easy week.”

AA: “Is anyone else unavailable?”

MR: “Just reminding you Mantas Petriukstis is only playing small forward for now.”

AA: “Game plan?”

PR: “Depends on the final training discussion. Right now, we only know we’re training guards.

Air Allnite puts the lineup plan on onscreen.

AA: “Any changes?”

PR: “No. We’re good here. Training thoughts?”

AA: “It’d be easy to say range or shooting. We need to go outside defense this time.”

PR: “Defend your position.”

AA: “McCain needs it. So does Donny. Behind those two, there’s Shooter and Farley. Knowles and Cerri not so much, but if they benefit from it that only helps us. I want the two youngsters to improve, but I need Shooter and Farley to also.”

MR: “With Mantas on the wing it helps the perimeter a lot when they improve.”

BH: “Anything that makes life easier on the bigs, I‘m all for. When are we getting the guards some rebounding work?”

MR: “Yeah, when do we get to bang them around?”

PR: “The schedule and won-loss record will tell us when. We also need to run a passing camp for the bigs, shooting and range work for the bigs, ball handling work, and the guards need range and shooting work also. Full plate gentlemen.”

AA: “Pio, you’re never satisfied, are you?”

PR: “If you are, then you need to resign immediately. I won’t speak for the others, but I know they aren’t satisfied. We always want to get better and be better. Satisfaction can wait until the job is done.”

AA: "Game plan?"

BH: "We go big or go home. This is not a home game, so we go big."

MR: "Let the bigs do the work and have a 2nd unit that can support them? Cool."

PR: "Just remember the objectives: get out with the win, get out healthy, and set up the young guys to get the training minutes they need. Gentlemen, let's get ready to hit the practice court. Air, not a bad job at all. If you want to get really good at this, you can. You just have to put in the work. You CAN be a head coach if you want. Everyone on this staff can. Nice job."

These still have never missed. Great stuff.

Once again - good vibes y'alls way!

Day 11 (Saturday 30 September 2023) : Performances by (https://www.buzzer-manager.com)

Night results
Las Vegas High Rollers 85 - Tasty Tardsicles 118
209’s MostWanted 124 - VileOnes 120
Philly Dribble 85 - Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️ 118
Linndale 133 - Żubr Białystok 54
Lion Rebels 131 - Fort Wayne Pistons 104
San Dominica Warriors 50 - Miami Cleo 0
F.Day Internet Lovers Club 97 - Super Sonics 85
southpaw army 141 - Twotone Touloose 48

Best collective performance of the evening
Points : 141 : southpaw army
Rebounds : 70 : southpaw army
Assists : 42 : Linndale
Steals : 22 : Linndale
Block Shots : 16 : Linndale

Personal best performances of the evening
Points : 42 : K. Brown (Lion Rebels)
Rebounds : 23 : K. Nádas (209’s MostWanted)
Assists : 12 : M. Stott (Lion Rebels)
Steals : 5 : S. Kunyan (southpaw army), Z. Vercammer (southpaw army)
Block Shots : 4 : D. Hatfield (Linndale), E. Donny (Linndale)

Top 5 of the evening
Point Guard : T. Rumin (209’s MostWanted) (34 Points, 3 Rebounds, 7 Assists, 1 Steals, 0 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 31
Shooting Guard : N. de Moraes (southpaw army) (25 Points, 5 Rebounds, 5 Assists, 0 Steals, 0 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 30
Small Forward : K. Brown (Lion Rebels) (42 Points, 3 Rebounds, 2 Assists, 3 Steals, 0 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 41
Power Forward : S. Sökmen (Linndale) (26 Points, 15 Rebounds, 1 Assists, 4 Steals, 1 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 40
Center : E. Dickens (Tasty Tardsicles) (24 Points, 18 Rebounds, 5 Assists, 2 Steals, 0 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 44

MVP of the evening
E. Dickens (Tasty Tardsicles) (24 Points, 18 Rebounds, 5 Assists, 2 Steals, 0 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 44

The bad performance of the evening
A. Reese (Twotone Touloose) (2 Points, 4 Rebounds, 0 Assists, 0 Steals, 1 Block Shots) : Efficiency : -9

All kinds of statistics
The player who forgot to remove his mittens : W. Bonner (Żubr Białystok), A. Reese (Twotone Touloose) : 6 Turnovers

Player targeted by the referees : A. Messineo (VileOnes), J. García de la Vega (VileOnes), R. Reynolds (Linndale), E. Donny (Linndale) : 5 Personnal Fouls

The iron-man : W. Bonner (Żubr Białystok), I. Tabrizi (F.Day Internet Lovers Club) : 48 Minutes

The shooter : M. Blanco (F.Day Internet Lovers Club) : 6 Three points

The best performer : C. Wui Kwong (Tasty Tardsicles) : Rating : 19.0

The worst performer : W. Bonner (Żubr Białystok) : Rating : 2.0

Day 12 (Tuesday 3 October 2023) : Performances by (https://www.buzzer-manager.com)

Night results
VileOnes 108 - Las Vegas High Rollers 91
Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️ 110 - 209’s MostWanted 98
Żubr Białystok 73 - Philly Dribble 136
Fort Wayne Pistons 131 - Linndale 145
Miami Cleo 0 - Lion Rebels 50
Super Sonics 89 - San Dominica Warriors 86
Twotone Touloose 44 - F.Day Internet Lovers Club 102
Tasty Tardsicles 59 - southpaw army 104

Best collective performance of the evening
Points : 145 : Linndale
Rebounds : 61 : Linndale
Assists : 47 : Philly Dribble
Steals : 16 : Fort Wayne Pistons
Block Shots : 12 : Philly Dribble

Personal best performances of the evening
Points : 39 : T. Freeman (Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️)
Rebounds : 17 : M. Farnsworth (Philly Dribble), C. Goldsmith (Super Sonics)
Assists : 13 : M. Cerri (Linndale)
Steals : 5 : S. Brinkman (VileOnes), G. Reinhardt (Fort Wayne Pistons)
Block Shots : 3 : J. García de la Vega (VileOnes), J. Smug (209’s MostWanted), M. Cerri (Linndale), M. Davies (Super Sonics), S. Kunyan (southpaw army)

Top 5 of the evening
Point Guard : M. Cerri (Linndale) (22 Points, 4 Rebounds, 13 Assists, 2 Steals, 3 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 35
Shooting Guard : S. Aranda (Fort Wayne Pistons) (38 Points, 5 Rebounds, 6 Assists, 4 Steals, 1 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 47
Small Forward : V. Abat (F.Day Internet Lovers Club) (28 Points, 9 Rebounds, 3 Assists, 4 Steals, 1 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 35
Power Forward : F. Kang (southpaw army) (21 Points, 13 Rebounds, 5 Assists, 2 Steals, 2 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 38
Center : M. Farnsworth (Philly Dribble) (16 Points, 17 Rebounds, 0 Assists, 1 Steals, 1 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 35

MVP of the evening
S. Aranda (Fort Wayne Pistons) (38 Points, 5 Rebounds, 6 Assists, 4 Steals, 1 Block Shots) : Efficiency : 47

The bad performance of the evening
A. Sloan (Twotone Touloose) (5 Points, 0 Rebounds, 1 Assists, 1 Steals, 0 Block Shots) : Efficiency : -8

All kinds of statistics
The player who forgot to remove his mittens : A. Jänes (Las Vegas High Rollers), C. Baer (Las Vegas High Rollers), D. Boyce (Super Sonics), B. Corbett (Twotone Touloose) : 6 Turnovers

Player targeted by the referees : J. García de la Vega (VileOnes), A. Gorman (Tasty Tardsicles) : 6 Personnal Fouls

The iron-man : T. Freeman (Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️), W. Acevedo (Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️), W. Bonner (Żubr Białystok), V. Abat (F.Day Internet Lovers Club) : 48 Minutes

The shooter : T. Freeman (Mindless Zombies 🧟‍♀️) : 7 Three points

The best performer : N. de Moraes (southpaw army) : Rating : 17.5

The worst performer : W. Bonner (Żubr Białystok) : Rating : 2.0

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